Thursday, 22 December 2011

How not to revise.

I'll be perfectly honest and admit that when it comes to revision I'm useless. I'm distracted by eveverything. I'll use any excuse to stop. I'd rather tidy my room than revise; which for me says a lot... I can't help myself! Somehow this is even worse when it's a re-sit, the Irish history module didn't go well for me... I thought it was boring the first time round, doing it again is the most disgusting thing ever!

I'm starting to consider serious measures to keep myself focussed. This includes (be seated before reading, it's shocking) deleteing Facebook. Ouch. I know. I'm usually not that addcted to it, but seeing as I'm online a lot at the moment trying to look for past paper question and other such boring tasks I find it's somehow so much more rewarding to go and complain to everybody else who can't revise too!

I do start the day well, I wake up feeling panicked, and then by the time I get downstaires I've instantly forgotten any feelings of urgency. Really I should be way more stressed than my friends about it, for two big reasons. The first is that they're all smarter than me, by quite a noticable amount, and the second is that all three of my exams are within a three day streatch, one after the other. I know there isn't any point complaining about the timetable, because there isn't anything that I can do about it, but even so I'm pretty sure that examiners are picking on me just for the fun of it... Shame.

Should probably stop blogging and get on with biology, but I really don't think anybody in the whole world will really care how ATP is made. And at what point will photosynthesis really be needed in later life? Ugh. Hate it. At least it's nearly Christmas, something to look forward to, I think... And then New Year's, which is DEFINITELY something to look forward to!

Sunday, 4 December 2011

Why my Advent Calander made me cry...

I'll have to take a deep breath before sharing this very distressing story with you all... But may I just say that I'd had a very difficult december 1st, mainly because my biology ISA was a complete disaster, and I then managed to leave my ENTIRE folder in the LRC and convinced myself that it had run away and would never be returned.

Hopefully you'll now know quite how delicate I've been feeling since the application has been sent off. Friends keep posting on facebook about their successses at interviews, and I really really want to be pleased for them... But... Hmm.. I know it's my own silly fault for not having sent mine off earlier on but jealousy makes even the sanest of society completely irrational. So I clearly don't stand a chance.

Anyway, back to the main source of sadness; my advent calander. When my mum handed it to me and said "I'll have to post you one next year. It'll be so upsetting decorating the tree without you." I just felt blue... Yep, cold feet had set in. And I've only just applied! The chocolate covered ticking time bomb from Thorntons just made me realise how little time we had until the end of term, the exams in january, and having to leave our friends and family.

The depressing musing was temporarily broken by the chocolatey goodness and trying to beat my brother at the spot the difference on the back of the box ( I so let him win, confidence boost needed...) I tend to not take life lessons from year 10 students, but as it went my brother was of some use. He asked if he could come up to stay with me for a weekend once I'm at uni. I asked "Why?" without really thinking, and was astonished by the answer... He said "I'll miss you and stuff, but really I think it's massively unfair that you get to go away, make loads of new friends, have a great time in a new place, live on your own, learn loads of cool stuff about the only subject you love, and I have to stay here and do Geography for another two years..."

It might not have been the most eloquent way of putting it; but really it's always easier to be convinced by somebody else that you'll have a great time, rather than trying to make yourself believe it. We haven't ever really talked about 'serious' subjects of life before, but if I had know how wise my little brother was, I would have consulted him on all manner of subjects. Hadn't quite realised how tough it will be to leave home, or quite how easy it'll be to have a great time once I've gone. And now it really feels like I've got something worth working for.

Monday, 28 November 2011

Starting to stress...

Let me set the scene: me, happily sat writing a little essay about Civil Rights for my history lesson tomorrow, when I was rudely interrupted by a terrifying email from UCAS. They have my application... I don't have a rational explanation for my reaction to this, but I suddenly felt very protective of the little thing, as though they've taken it hostage. I really didn't want to send it, and had put if off for far too long.. But now it's gone. Forever.

It feels as though I'm in an odd limbo; they have the application, and in 24 hours they'll have processed it. I have to wait 24 hours until I can log into the Track. I have to wait for Uni Admin staff to process it. I have to wait for emails from genuinely important people, instead of the usual tosh Facebook sends my way. This passive waiting game really irritates me! I want to do something productive, even if the alternative would mean cycling to each university and handing it over myself, or sending it by carrier pidgeon.

Unfortunately UCAS is not the only source of stress that filled my weekend. The smaller of my two kittens decided not to come home last night. I suddenly realised that I have turned into a lonely Cat-Lady a good 50 years before I'm supposed to. I panicked far too much, and decided the only logical solution was to go out on a search party, which obviously meant knocking on all my neighbours' doors to see if they'd seen him, or stolen him. Yet it was all in vain. 

My mum made the rather useless parrallel between this stupid kitten and my own useless ways when I go out and forget that I own a phone. Oops. It's a lesson learned at least. Another lesson learned is that the little kitten is allowed outside, and nine out of ten times he'll return home just fine, and so he did. I came downstairs this morning and he was cuddled up in the dog bed, with the dog, and the other kitten too. It was an odd sight, but a happy one none the less. 

Although this kitten tangent is of absolutely no use to anybody, and has nothing to do with UCAS, I thought you might need a little distraction. It's compulsory to evenly balance useful work with mind-numbing rubbish. Disclaimer: Absolutely no qualified teacher will fully endorse that idea, and I'm really sorry if you fail all your January exams because of it...

Wednesday, 23 November 2011

Easily distracted? Me?!

So as of about an hour ago my UCAS application has been completed, kinda... I've grammer and spell checked and put in every choice and polished it until it can't shine anymore... But I haven't sent it. Still. For absolutly no good reason.

UCAS asked me how I'd like to pay my £22, and I had a minor epiphany: IT'S ALMOST CHRISTMAS!!!!! On that shocking note, I opened a new tab, and started shopping, for myself mainly ( no, not because I'm selfish, I'm making life easier for everybody by choosing, thankyou!) and so the hour passed by, as did the £20(ish), but on, shame...

Unproductive? I beg to differ! But not quite the task I should've been focussing on right at that very moment, I'll give you that one. It's made only a little bit worse as I've got Parent's Evening tonight, and I know full well that all, yes, ALL my teachers will ask if I've sent off my application. I'll squirm in my seat, mumbling to my feet that it's all ready to go. I'll get the disapproving head-tilt and sympathetic smile as they remind me that it's a difficult decision to make, but has to be done. Does it? Does it really have to be done?

I'm not for a second saying I don't want to go to university. It's just that apathy is dangerous when in such high quantities, on such a regular basis. I'll get it done, sooner or later. Okay, just later. Sooner is not a viable, plausable option, and I'd hate for you to think I'm lying to you.

Sunday, 20 November 2011

A little off topic.. But still almost worth talking about

Sorry, it's been a while. I'll make up for my negligent behaviour by having a little moral chat with you, instead of telling you the many things that have come between me and my blog and my personal statement (although that might make a more interesting read).

So far, the only two posts I've made haven't really centred on UCAS or applying... hopefully nobody really minds and so I'll carry on in the same fashion. In a nutshell, I was watching a little newsclip about us students, and drugs. Unheard of, I know! But this is all new, I promise. So instead of Paxman banging on about the protesters camping out in London, even though they should've gone by now, it was actually about the uber-nerds who are getting their fix of something called Modafanil before revising through the night before turning up to their exams.

Let me enlighten those of you also hadn't heard of this before. Broadly speaking, this is steroids for mathematicians. It increases cognitive skills and makes it easier for you to stay up late studying and perform better in exams. It's roughly the same kind of chemicals you'd find in ritalin, but you can only buy it online. So although it's not 'illegal' it's definitely more difficult to get ahold of than Proplus, and certainly unethical. Higher education has already been separated out into different tiers, and is being further split by drug-dealers, sorry, pharmaceutical companies, too? Surely not!

In my mind, and you're welcome to disagree with me, it's the same dilemma that athletes face : there's a massive difference between drinking a protein shake, and taking banned steroids. Loads of people take their vitamin C or cod liver oil etc, but this seems a step way too far to be tolerated. Although it wouldn't be fair to have universities make every above-average student take a drugs test just in case they are taking Modafinil (or anything more recreational) they should definitely be discouraging students from doing so officially. 

Think that's that rant over and done with. Maybe next time I'll post something nice and sweet and focussed on applying to university... but only maybe...

( P.S. Still no closer to fine-tuning my statement. Now where do I get that Modafinil ?  joke )

Wednesday, 9 November 2011

My ever-so productive day!

Well today was protest day.... And I didn't go. It seems a shame seeing as it encompasses so many things I, and almost all students and sane-people love. I've listed the top three for you:

1.Walking about London, (without the endless shopping that exhausts both soul and purse)
2.Getting the felt-tips out for a colourful( in language as well, of course) poster
3.Generally complaining away and having a good vent to like-minded souls who share our pain.

I had far too many essays to do, and I've also managed to get most of my personal statement sorted, which is an absolute weight off my mind, and it's now sat awaitin' on the Head of Sixth form's desk. I look forward to seeing exactly how much red ink has been used across the page; always a pleasure to edit!

I haven't exactly adopted the hardcore, rebel-teenage, revolutionary attitude I'd like at times like this, because I genuinely do think that it's a cause worth raising our voices for... Then again if I don't get my work done then I won't get the grades I need to secure a place, or won't end up paying the fees anyway! Not that it detracts from the rise being unethical, obviously, so really even if I wasn't planning to go to university at all I'd still think it was a worthy cause for a stretch of the legs!

To all or any of you that went out today and marched peacefully I thank you. You're representing a worthy cause and have the full backing of any moral peer across the entire country. Let's hope some MP's can get away from Theresa May's mess, and the Greeks, and the Italians, oh just the Eurozone in general, to pay us teeny tots some attention !

Friday, 4 November 2011

The first of many whinges....

It's never great to start on a down note; but it has to be done. I've spent all of half term bed-ridden with the most disgusting cold, and then went on a biology trip to slapton sands. I genuinely don't know which was more painful... The combination of the two means I have done absolutely none of the work I needed to do. So I still haven't put my choices onto my UCAS, I still haven't finalised my personal statement, and I still haven't started working towards my history re-sit.

It isn't looking good...

It's funny because I really did mean to get so much done; I'd even written a timetable! But somehow I now just can't do anything productive at all, and have even less of an incentive to do so because of bonfire night tomorrow. I'm using the rubbish excuse that I'm not the only one who's let everything slide over the week off, but I also know that there are loads of others who are FAR more together than I am!

I think I should be panicking a lot more than I am...