Tuesday, 12 June 2012

One down, One to go

Today was my first exam of the summer, and I can throw away all my history notes from the last year! I'd be more excited about that if I didn't have Biology coming up, even though it's in 10 days it definitely won't be enough time to re-learn the whole syllabus. It's made even worse by the fact that it's synoptic and I remember nothing from last year. It's going so badly that in the last mock we did in class I did even worse than the kid that was dehydrated and fainted. There is no hope...

I'm debating calling my first choice and letting them know that I'm still getting U grades, bit embarrassing but definitely less embarassing than not getting my place in September. I know I need to get a minimum of a C to get the grade I need overall, but that's still four grades higher than I've been getting recently, oops. I don't really have any excuse for not getting the grades I need, think I've just run out of steam.

An even better excuse is that it's my birthday tomorrow, pretty distracting, I'm just pleased that history was today instead of thursday because I'd definitely fail if it was the day after my 18th! It'll be a good way of breaking up the revision, I really suffer from cabin fever and this will definitely help! That being said it's only another week until the sumer, can't wait! Good luck to everyone that has exams coming up, it'll be all over soon enough.

Wednesday, 9 May 2012

Getting Cold Feet Already

Well today is the 9th, and I've just replied to my offers hours before the deadline. This is not because I'm lazy or forgot about it over the bank holiday weekend, I've been waiting for an epiphany to make the final decision about university choices just that little bit easier. It didn't happen.

Filling in multiple choice boxes on a screen doesn't really live up to the enormity of the questions they're really asking; 'where do you want to live for the next three years?' and 'which of these institutions will really help you further your career?'. I don't know the answer to either, how are any of us really expected to know 100% what's best for us, or what we really want?

I'm even less sure of where I want to go now that I've filled in my choices. The firm and insurace choices have the same grade boundaries, which I know is a bit silly but I also know that out of the five they're the only two I actually want to go to; so if I don't get the grades then I'm not going at all. Which is really how it should be. There are other ways of getting into the careers that we want, and I'm starting to wonder if I should've looked into them better before applying.

That sounds pretty negative but I'm excited to go really, it'll be fun, and maybe some of us might learn something if we ever turn up to lectures. I'm just not sure how likely it'll be that I'll get in at all at this rate. I only have two exams this time around and a month is hopefully enough time to get ready for both. I hope it is anyway, there's a lot riding on it.

Sunday, 29 April 2012

(Almost) The Final Week

In a matter of days we all have to have replied to our offers or they'll be declined. I don't know how I feel about this for many a reason, and none of them are good ones. The only concrete thing I've learned so far about deadlines is that I like to wait until the very last moment to get everything done, not good, and that I forget that they exist until that final second when everyone else is discussing how pleased they are that it's all done and finished with.

The real reason why I'm putting this off until the final moment is that I'm really not fussy about where I end up. I've narrowed it down to two choices, and they're both equally lovely, and equally crappy, in equal measure. They're both good, they're courses are equally intersting, and pretty similar actually, and I think I'd be happy in either Norwich or Southampton. I really don't know what would be best for me, and neither does anyone else at this point.

It's gotten to the point where I'm sick of trying to work out which is better, because there's so little to differentiate them, except that Norwich is a prettier town with better accomodation, which in the long run is neither here nor there. I'm so torn between them that I've abandonned all hope making a rational, well reasoned argument as to which I should go to, and will just leave it up to a coin toss.

It's pretty scary to think that this time next year we'll almost be done with our first year, if we ever get in. At this point I'll be amazed if I ever make a choice at all, but it'll probably be a spur of the moment one, and hopefully one I'll be happy with. Once the choices are made we won't really hear from the uni's until results day. Horrific thought; opening the results envelope just as a thought is enough to make me vomit, and I'll be so grateful if it doesn't happen in real life.

Sunday, 22 April 2012

Revision... Already?!

According to my Head of sixth now that we've had our Easter break "all students should be fully rested and prepared for a lot of hard work". Pfft. Yeah sure. I know everyone's been busy but the break was definitely as exhausting as college. The two coursework deadlines were unfortunately not the most taxing part of the two weeks off; I managed to get a job at Tesco, which is a great distraction and excuse to not have been doing my work. The hours are terrible, but the pay is great, and it's far more rewarding than working (in the short-term).

Some people are far better at looking at the big picture than I am. Getting emails about student finance and the deadline to confirm Uni offers are so off-putting. It'll get done in a rush the day before, just like everything else I do. I've started filling in the details for it, like most people, but really it just feels like hassle!

That being said, I'd rather fill out hundreds and thousands of pages of the paperwork than start revising for the summer exams, which we apparently should be getting on with now? I only have two exams, biology the day before my birthday and then history ten days later, which is the best timetable I've ever had, as it means I can definitely go out on my birthday! Perfect! This is helped by not having any English lessons from now on, I've handed in my course work and I'm all done. Such freedom!

Even though there's a lot to do at the moment, it's all for a good cause, and won't be that bad once I've started it, but finding the motivation to stay in and get it done is just not worth it. In the blink of an eye we'll have the May Ball, leaver's hoodies and exams, and then I'll be wishing I'd just got on and done what needed doing.

Sunday, 26 February 2012

So much to do, so little time.

There's far too much to do at the moment; to the point where I'm tempted to just ignore the whole lot, or set it alight. The pile of coursework that needs editing so drastically that I may as well re-write the whole thing is looking daunting. Add to this friend's 18th's, and a new job, and open days and it makes sense why I've put it on the back-burner.

That being said, I almost felt motivated the other day. Amazing, a true miracle! On the way back from an offer-holder day I genuinely wanted to get on with the work and get my uni place, this faded on the car journey home though. I don't think I'd be so irritated about it if I were able to just get on and do it, but there's an awful lot of peripheral work that seems to accompany it, and that's hassle. I'll gladly write a few pages about Civil Rights, but the bibliography and the sources and everything else just doesn't seem worth doing.

That being said I've got another offer-holder visit coming up, although it does mean a 7 hour drive to the very end of the country. Hopefully it'll get me into the right frame of mind, and keep me there for long enough to get some productive work done. If not then I'm relying on the shock of results day to motivate me. I know I haven't done well, but maybe I need to learn that lesson the hard way, otherwise I may always be this lazy and useless. Not good. At all.

I'd attempt to do some work today, buuuuuuuut no thanks. The sun is out and it is nursing my self-inflicted pains from last night. Today is not the day for English, nor history, and let's face it no day is ever the right day for Biology. I don't have a healthy work ethic, I admit it, and that is the first step to over-coming my problems, apparently. Let's see how long it takes for me to take the other steps...

Wednesday, 8 February 2012


I'll admit that I'm overly excited for half term, possibly more so than I was for Christmas, and for one simple reason: sleep. No, wait, two reasons: sleep and going out. A whole week to doss about and do nothing but laze about and see friends. Perfect plan!

That first paragraph is the hypothetical world I wish existed. It is unfortunately not the whole case. I may be able to carry it off for a few days at least, but I have to do my English and History coursework, and some Biology if the course work doesn't kill me. Oh and look for a job because I'm too skint to live at the moment. Wow... So... Half term sounds great...

The even balance between social life and working has always alluded me. I tend to allow one to slip and then have to work really hard to catch up. I'm not advising this because of the health and safety risk associated with it, but it works for me. I like having a week or two of nothingness; going out and letting the paper pile stack up, and then having some serious pressure to work against. It keeps me motivated, and especially if it's not a topic I'm interested in as I know I have to get it done.

It's a shame that I'll have to say goodbye to this strategy next year. I'm assuming that the step up in social and work levels at uni will make this laissez-faire attitude a no-go area. It's not a change I'm looking forward to... But then again there are so many changes that will be welcomed that I guess it'll still be worthwhile... One of the many changes will be the incredibly long holidays! I need one, now!

Monday, 30 January 2012

All Done! Oh no wait....

I woke up today with a little smile of relief on my face. I survived the January exams - probably didn't get through it with straight A's, but hey at least I'm still in one piece! I then logged into track, and I've got two new offers! That's four out of five! Amazing! Just got to hope that I've met the required grades, but for the next month and a bit until results day there's nothing that can be done, so I'll just relax.

Well.. I say there's nothing to be done, but that's just not true... I've got to get my English and History course work done before next term, and then revise for the summer exams. I keep trying to remind myself that actually this isn't a never-ending stress- machine, and eventually it'll be the summer holidays, and that's something to look forward to! It's all been planned and booked, and won't clash with the summer exams, which is arguably a good thing, I'm yet to be convinced.

I'm just pleased that I'm not in the year below right now, they're going to a UCAS fayre at Surrey Uni tomorrow, which we all did this time last year. It was good fun, before we arrived. There was a sudden panic when we entered the hall and saw how many stands there were, from universities all over the country. I ended up bringing home so many prospectuses for absolutely no reason. It took hours and hours reading over each one trying to choose a course that I liked, and that wasn't too close or too far away from home - i.e far enough to not have the parents drop in uninvited, but close enough to make use of the free food and washing machine if needed. I don't know how I ever managed to whittle down the hundreds of choices to just five, but over time it just happened, gut instinct more than anything else. I just decided if I didn't really love it straight away then it wasn't worth three years of my life.

Remembering that grand day out reminded me of how much hard work we've already done to get to uni. In a really short space of time we've achieved a massive amount, and we've got even less time now to finish it all up. It's scary but I'm so pleased it's almost over.

Friday, 13 January 2012

The Final Week

Oh. Well.... Looks like I'm going to have three re-sits in the summer.... Revision is killing me. Interim reports are making it an even more torturous death. And not going out is making me very, very snappy... Which is why I haven't blogged; too much hate, can't vent online, it's mean exposing you innocents to such unkindness!

Oh yeah AND I don't get study leave! AND I have three exams in three days! Pretty sure there's a world-wide conspiracy that has been devised by the evil geniuses that run Edexcel and AQA. It all seems an unneccessarily complicated way to make me unhappy and stressy.

In all honesty I hate feeling like this. I tend not to complain an awful lot about anything. But this is bad... I don't pretend to play it cool about exams; I panic, I revise until I'm comatosed and I then don't read the questions properly and majorly mess up. This is incredibly irritating when I have to listen to everyone in the common room say "Oh yeah, I did an hour or so, should be fine, doesn't matter" and then come out with 94% in each module. Lovely. I'm so pleased for them. I'd give my soul to be so naturally gifted, alas I am but a mere mortal in a state sixth form, which is all well and good but I'd like a safety net when I walk into the exam hall. 

Oh well, in a fortnight I'll know whether or not I've absolutely ballsed up this entire thing. Which is good and bad. I'm starting to consider doing a BBC internship and taking that route ... it's probably just being so tired and bored of college and exams making me say that, really I'm not in the right frame of mind to make such decisions. But there's an alternative that I'd genuinely enjoy, which is reassuring. I think I'd do well and enjoy it anyway, just wonder how much help a degree would be right now in a career that so heavily depends on networking and first impressions...

I should really focus on revision and not distract myself with such hypothetical passing thoughts. But... It's hard to put so much into this when it's yet another stepping stone. There's an awful lot of work for very little gain. I wouldn't mind if I felt there was really something that would contribute to my future coming out of this, but we've got to wait another bizillion years to get our degree. Never mind, and chin up! Good luck with the revision and exams, and expel equally pessimisitc thoughts from your pretty little heads!