Monday, 30 January 2012

All Done! Oh no wait....

I woke up today with a little smile of relief on my face. I survived the January exams - probably didn't get through it with straight A's, but hey at least I'm still in one piece! I then logged into track, and I've got two new offers! That's four out of five! Amazing! Just got to hope that I've met the required grades, but for the next month and a bit until results day there's nothing that can be done, so I'll just relax.

Well.. I say there's nothing to be done, but that's just not true... I've got to get my English and History course work done before next term, and then revise for the summer exams. I keep trying to remind myself that actually this isn't a never-ending stress- machine, and eventually it'll be the summer holidays, and that's something to look forward to! It's all been planned and booked, and won't clash with the summer exams, which is arguably a good thing, I'm yet to be convinced.

I'm just pleased that I'm not in the year below right now, they're going to a UCAS fayre at Surrey Uni tomorrow, which we all did this time last year. It was good fun, before we arrived. There was a sudden panic when we entered the hall and saw how many stands there were, from universities all over the country. I ended up bringing home so many prospectuses for absolutely no reason. It took hours and hours reading over each one trying to choose a course that I liked, and that wasn't too close or too far away from home - i.e far enough to not have the parents drop in uninvited, but close enough to make use of the free food and washing machine if needed. I don't know how I ever managed to whittle down the hundreds of choices to just five, but over time it just happened, gut instinct more than anything else. I just decided if I didn't really love it straight away then it wasn't worth three years of my life.

Remembering that grand day out reminded me of how much hard work we've already done to get to uni. In a really short space of time we've achieved a massive amount, and we've got even less time now to finish it all up. It's scary but I'm so pleased it's almost over.

Friday, 13 January 2012

The Final Week

Oh. Well.... Looks like I'm going to have three re-sits in the summer.... Revision is killing me. Interim reports are making it an even more torturous death. And not going out is making me very, very snappy... Which is why I haven't blogged; too much hate, can't vent online, it's mean exposing you innocents to such unkindness!

Oh yeah AND I don't get study leave! AND I have three exams in three days! Pretty sure there's a world-wide conspiracy that has been devised by the evil geniuses that run Edexcel and AQA. It all seems an unneccessarily complicated way to make me unhappy and stressy.

In all honesty I hate feeling like this. I tend not to complain an awful lot about anything. But this is bad... I don't pretend to play it cool about exams; I panic, I revise until I'm comatosed and I then don't read the questions properly and majorly mess up. This is incredibly irritating when I have to listen to everyone in the common room say "Oh yeah, I did an hour or so, should be fine, doesn't matter" and then come out with 94% in each module. Lovely. I'm so pleased for them. I'd give my soul to be so naturally gifted, alas I am but a mere mortal in a state sixth form, which is all well and good but I'd like a safety net when I walk into the exam hall. 

Oh well, in a fortnight I'll know whether or not I've absolutely ballsed up this entire thing. Which is good and bad. I'm starting to consider doing a BBC internship and taking that route ... it's probably just being so tired and bored of college and exams making me say that, really I'm not in the right frame of mind to make such decisions. But there's an alternative that I'd genuinely enjoy, which is reassuring. I think I'd do well and enjoy it anyway, just wonder how much help a degree would be right now in a career that so heavily depends on networking and first impressions...

I should really focus on revision and not distract myself with such hypothetical passing thoughts. But... It's hard to put so much into this when it's yet another stepping stone. There's an awful lot of work for very little gain. I wouldn't mind if I felt there was really something that would contribute to my future coming out of this, but we've got to wait another bizillion years to get our degree. Never mind, and chin up! Good luck with the revision and exams, and expel equally pessimisitc thoughts from your pretty little heads!